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Cooter's sensitive side

Three guys were working up on a mobile phone tower: Cooter, Ray and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ray says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife. Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.  Ray says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'  'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ray replies.  'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."  She said, 'You must be mistaken... I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are...'  Some guys are good at that sensitive stuff.
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Thank You Mom!

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  For Moms everywhere - 10  A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. 11  The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of [ h ] gain. 12  She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13  She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh [ i ] willingly with her hands. 14  She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. 15  She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their [ j ] task to her maidens. 16  She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17  She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms. 18  She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable; Her lamp goeth not out by night. 19  She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her [ k ] hands hold the spindle. 20  She stretcheth out her [ l ] hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. ...
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Thank You Teachers!

In honor of Teachers everywhere - Teachers never know what they might have to do for their kids. A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The  teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to sh...
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Mother in Law

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.  “What happened Paddy?” she asks anxiously. “What happened?  I'll tell you what happened!  I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip.  I get home...  and guess what I found?  Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed!  This is unforgivable!  The end of our marriage.  I'm done.  I'm leaving forever!” “Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!” says his mother-in-law.  “There is something very odd going on here.  Jean would never do such a thing!  There must be a simple explanation.  I'll go speak...
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Serving Others

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As we welcome another New Year let us never forget those who chose to serve our great country..   This poem was written by a Marine * >   >   >   > *Merry **Christmas. * >   >   >   >   > *  TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,* > *    HE LIVED ALL ALONE,* > *    IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE > OF* > *    PLASTER AND STONE.* >   > *  I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY* > *    WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,* > *    AND TO SEE JUST WHO* > *    IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.* >   > *  I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,* > *    A STRANGE SIGHT I DID > SEE,* > *    NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,* > *    NOT EVEN A TREE.* >   > *  NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,* > *    JUST ...
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A Man goes to Church

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Murphy showed up at Mass one   Sunday   and the priest almost fell down   When he saw him. He had never been to church in his life.       After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so   Glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"   Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back,   I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that   McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every   Sunday . I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and   Figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to   Leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."   The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal   McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"   Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10   Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlyn...
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The Lady and the Dupes

11   PEOPLE... ON A ROPE   Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman.   The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, Because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to choose that person, until the   woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the   rope, because, as a woman, she was used to   giving up everything for her husband and kids or   for men in general, and was used to always   making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men   started clapping......
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