Little Wards Almanac

  For Moms everywhere - 10  A worthy woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies. 11  The heart of her husband trusteth in her, And he shall have no lack of [ h ] gain. 12  She doeth him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13  She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh [ i ] willingly with her hands. 14  She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. 15  She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their [ j ] task to her maidens. 16  She considereth a field, and buyeth it; With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. 17  She girdeth her loins with strength, And maketh strong her arms. 18  She perceiveth that her merchandise is profitable; Her lamp goeth not out by night. 19  She layeth her hands to the distaff, And her [ k ] hands hold the spindle. 20  She stretcheth out her [ l ] hand to the poor; Yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. ...

In honor of Teachers everywhere - Teachers never know what they might have to do for their kids. A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The  teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes. As she lifted one little guy, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to sh...