Little Wards Almanac

Must be a difficult lesson to teach.   Once in a while we just have to stand back in awe of government.   The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever - 46 million people.   Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is because, "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves." Thus ends today's lesson in irony

  I used to think I was just a regular guy, but . . . I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.   I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist.   I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic.   I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.   I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.   I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.   I am older than 70, which makes me a useless old man.   I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.   I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.   I value my safety and that of my family and I...

How much is a billion dollars?  $1,000,000,000. Our U.S. military goes thru a billion dollars in less than a day! How much of that is wasted on bureaucratic crap? Once the greatest army on earth, today's defense department has been left limping along after 8 years of cuts by King Barack. One recent story mentioned the Air Force was running out of spare parts. Really?  While King Barack Hussein was busy giving himself and the Clinton's a raise in their post-presidency retirement funds, he left our military crippled and under-funded. Well, here is one ex-Seal's take on what we can do to return our great country to the Military might we had in years past.

Bill Clinton   was driving past the Obama's new house in Washington   when he accidentally ran over the Obama’s new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michelle would go friggin' ballistic. Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie. "As a reward I shall grant you one wish." "Well," said Bill, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this damned dog." They walk over to the splattered remains of Sunny. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" Bill asked. The Genie looked at the remains and slowly shook his head. "This critter is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Maybe there's something...

Ray and Bob, two Government maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.  A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole”, said Bob, "But we don't have a ladder."  The woman said, "Hand me that wrench out of your toolbox."  She loosened a few bolts, then laid the pole down. She then took a tape measure from their toolbox, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches" and walked away.  Ray shook his head and laughed. "Well, ain't that just like a 'Miss-know-it-all' woman?" he said. "We need the height and she give us the length!"  Ray and Bob are still working for the Government.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?" A nd God saw that it was good. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog di...