Little Wards Almanac

HEAVEN OR HELL  While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."   "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and goes down, down, down to hell.  The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club house and standin...

F OUR OLDER ITALIAN LADIES These four older ladies who lived in Naples , Italy , always sat outside   Together near the church and chatted about when they were younger. One month ago they pooled their money together and bought a laptop. Never having been to, but having heard all about Florida , they just happened to click on St. Augustine, Florida.  They read all about the   Fountain of Youth , claimed by the Spaniards when they arrived there. They collected up all they had left and sent for four bottles of youth water.   As soon as it arrived, they drank as directed.  The rest of this story will make you a believer, because here are the 2 oldest ones today … ...

 Every time I get this I think about how classy these two hillbillies are.........  >   >   > When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. > She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I ne...

Two good ol’ North Carolina farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes." Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave. The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes:.........Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard."  "I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "An...

Are you ever confused by all this political back and forth? Do you wish we could have a third option? You know - someone who isn't a liar? I heard a couple days ago that 70% of Americans don't want either of the 2 main candidates. Why are we stuck with just 2? Here's option 3 and option 4

Are you tired of the endless stream of political crap? Do you ever find yourself wondering if maybe there is a better option? Can we somehow hit the reset button and start over with a new set of candidates? Both of the leading challengers are hardly what a reasonable person might call trustworthy. Stories abound of peddling influence.. and charity scams" . The Republican offering is constantly getting his foot stuck in his mouth. New York is the only city big enough to accommodate his incredible ego.

Alan Simpson, the senator from Wyoming, calls senior citizens 'the Greediest Generation' as he compared Social Security to a milk cow with 310 million teats. Here's a response in a letter from PATTY MYERS in Montana ... I think she is a little ticked off but she also tells it like it is! "Hey Alan, let's get a few things straight 1.    As a career politician, you have been on the public dole (tit) for FIFTY YEARS. 2.    I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15 years old.  I am now 63). 3.    My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give OUR money to a bunch of zero losers in return for votes, thus bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme that would make Bernie Madoff proud. 4.    Recent...

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne.  God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then address Hillary. "H...

The latest budget bill out of the Senate contains yet another case of influence peddling. Harry Reid , back in a 2013 meeting with private equity CEO David Bonderman is alleged to have solicited contributions for his Super PAC -- which, by law, he's supposed to have nothing to do with. Bonderman, his wife, and firms under his control pitched in over $1 million to Reid's Senate Majority PAC in 2014. In what was undoubtedly a totally unrelated coincidence, Reid pushed to insert two pieces of language that would directly benefit Bonderman's businesses into the 2015 omnibus. And we thought money couldn't buy happiness! Do you suppose the private equity folks are resting a bit easier this Holiday Season?