Little Wards Almanac

Three guys were working up on a mobile phone tower: Cooter,   Ray and Donnie. As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower   and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ray says, 'Well,   shucks, someone should go and tell his wife. Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive   stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of   Budweiser.     Ray says,   'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'   'Cooter's   wife gave it to me,' Ray replies.   'That's   unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you a case of   beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the   door,   I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."   She said, 'You must be mistaken... I'm not a widow.' Then I   said, 'I'll bet you a case ...

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their new mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and a retired English Teacher of the Classics .... The husband a retired Navy Chief was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:  "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile.  If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband texted back to her:  "I'm on the toilet. Please advise." Ain't love grand ...

Quote of the day by Dianne Feinstein . .   Dianne Feinstein:   "All vets are mentally ill in some way and government should prevent them from owning firearms."   Yep, -  she really said it on Thursday in a meeting in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee. . . . And the quote below from the LA Times is priceless. Sometimes even the L.A. Times gets it right.   Kurt Nimmo: "Senator Feinstein insults all U.S. Veterans as she   flails   about in a vain attempt to save her anti-firearms bill." Quote of the Day from the Los Angeles Times: "Frankly, I don't know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I'm not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we're Number One. There'...